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LIFE IN A MIXED STATE

a village idot's struggle to find a path to freedom

A Work in Progress

The early Years: 67 to 79

Born in the tranquil town of Rayleigh but raised amidst the vibrant life of Leigh-on-Sea, my formative years were defined by strict discipline and unyielding expectations. Leigh-on-Sea, once a quaint fishing village, had evolved into a bustling community—a fitting backdrop for a childhood rich in challenges and lessons. My mother, a woman of immense strength, enforced structure with a firm hand, shaping the foundation of my character. Meanwhile, my father, an ingenious mind and a former Ford research engineer, later ventured into entrepreneurial success. From pioneering a groundbreaking 350cc three-cylinder motorcycle known as the KRM to owning a petrol station, workshops, and an M.O.T station, his achievements left an indelible mark on me. Despite their union dissolving when I turned 18, my mother's resilience remained the driving force in our family.

My childhood wasn’t without challenges. Social workers intervened when I was just seven, and strained relationships with my younger sister would later alter the trajectory of my life. Still, the echoes of my heritage spoke of ambition and skill—my maternal grandfather, a renowned plumber until a debilitating stroke, and my paternal grandfather, an esteemed engineer at Sage of London. Their legacies intertwined with my burgeoning identity.

Cold Reality Hits Home 79 to 86

Adulthood began tumultuously. At 17, a misguided decision led to a six-year prison sentence for armed robbery. The stark walls of incarceration became my crucible, forcing reflection and determination. While in prison, I seized the opportunity to equip myself with skills for the future, earning a City & Guilds qualification in welding. Upon release, I sought to rebuild my life, first trying to emulate my father’s path in the motor trade but soon realizing my aptitude lay elsewhere.

This era was marked by emotional upheavals and severed ties, including a rift with my sister that never healed. Yet, it was also a time when resilience and resourcefulness began to define me. Life was harsh, but the lessons were invaluable.

My Golden Years: 87 to 98

The late 1980s brought a wave of success and self-discovery. I found stability in sales, earning an impressive £1,200 weekly under the mentorship of Leonard Todd, who became a lifelong friend and guide. During this period, I ventured into property development, laying the groundwork for a career that would sustain me for decades.

Amid professional triumphs, my personal life flourished briefly. I married and welcomed my daughter, Abigail, into the world. Her name, meaning "father’s joy," symbolized hope and renewal. Yet, cracks emerged. An affair ended my decade-long marriage, marking the beginning of a journey filled with lessons on love and responsibility.

Travel became a significant outlet during this phase. Seven months in Spain and later a year in New Zealand exposed me to diverse cultures, shaping my worldview and enriching my life’s tapestry. It was also during this time that my father remarried, and I was introduced to Phil Culmer, one of his second wife’s sons. Although I initially disapproved of the relationship, Phil and I quickly formed a bond. Four years my junior, Phil became a steadfast friend, mentor, and collaborator. His intellect and strategic thinking complemented my drive, making him an integral part of many of my ventures. From legal battles to entrepreneurial pursuits, Phil’s unwavering support left a lasting impact.

The Long Winter of Discontent: 98 to 2001

Despite the momentum of my golden years, the turn of the millennium ushered in a period of struggle. A violent encounter at a cashpoint escalated into a serious altercation, resulting in another two-year prison sentence. Though deemed self-defense, the incident was a sobering reminder of my volatile circumstances.

Depression and emotional instability plagued me during this time. However, even in darkness, there were glimmers of hope. The enduring friendships I maintained, such as with Leonard Todd, Phil Culmer and James Webb, provided anchors, helping me navigate the storm.

The Wilderness Years: 2001 to 2010

This decade saw me grappling with identity and purpose. While challenges persisted, I channeled my energies into writing, publishing a beginner’s guide to photography. The creative outlet offered solace and a sense of achievement amid the chaos.

Professionally, I broadened my expertise, mastering high-pressure water jetting—a skill that followed my earlier prison sentence—and expanding my qualifications as an industrial abseiler. These achievements reflected a relentless drive to evolve, even in the face of adversity.

Phil Culmer, who had become one of my closest confidants, played an instrumental role during these years. His sharp intellect and unwavering support were crucial, especially in navigating legal challenges and refining business strategies. Together, we weathered storms and celebrated victories, strengthening a bond that remains unshakable.

Finding Myself: 2010 to 2012

Emerging from the wilderness, I sought to redefine my narrative. Writing became a therapeutic process, culminating in my published book on photography. The act of creation was a declaration of resilience—proof that, even in adversity, I could produce something meaningful.

Friendships deepened during this time, with James Webb’s unwavering support guiding me through ongoing mental health struggles. My connection to the people who stood by me became a cornerstone of my renewed identity. Phil Culmer’s mentorship continued to shape my path, solidifying his role as both a friend and a vital collaborator.

The Best of a Bad Job - Reaching the Consciences 2013

Life took on a different hue as I began focusing on making the best of challenging circumstances. My experiences shaped a unique perspective, driving me to connect with others on a profound level. The relationships I formed—with extraordinary women like Sue, Cathy, June, and Sheryl—were both enriching and reflective of my complexity.

The Phantom of the Opera

The title is a metaphor for the masks I’ve worn and the stages I’ve graced throughout life. From the disciplined boy in Rayleigh and Leigh-on-Sea to the man overcoming struggles through resilience and reinvention, my story is one of contrasts—a symphony of triumphs and tribulations.

Phil Culmer, ever the strategist, has been a cornerstone in my journey, balancing my fiery nature with his calculated wisdom. Alongside lifelong friends like Leonard Todd and James Webb, he forms the fabric of a support system that has carried me through my darkest hours and brightest days.

Today, as I reflect on a life filled with lessons, my heritage and experiences converge into a narrative of hope and determination. The stage remains, and the performance continues.

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